what about carrots, mom?

i call up

my mother up to ask her

how

long can i keep carrots

in the

crisper drawer

at the bottom

of the fridge.

the plastic bag seems

to be bubbling

for some reason.

why don't you just

eat them,

she says,

are they brown?

no, they're still orange,

i tell her.

but i don't know why

i bought them

last November.

boil

them in a pot, she says,

then

when they're nice and soft,

drench them in

honey,

or maple syrup,

or a ton

of butter with salt

and pepper.

they're more edible

that way.

to kill the after taste

wash them down with milk,

or spiked eggnog.

okay, but what about

lettuce?

you have two days max,

she says,

then toss it.

maybe throw it in the woods

for the animals.