it's not dating, it's Antiquing

i ask my friend Sally Sue

how her online

dating search is going.

she tells me to shut up

and pour me another glass of wine.

it's more like antiquing.

she says,

throwing down the Merlot.

everyone is old, i'm old,

you're old.

all my friends are old.

i'm tired of looking at old

men holding fish up

in their pictures.

they want to talk about

their boats and motorcycles.

hunting.

just shoot me.

i cringe when i see them

walking into the bar

like it's the march of the penguins,

bald and limping.

fat and pink.

bitter from a few bad marriages.

most of them wanting to

have a few drinks

then take me home in an

effort to get my clothes off.

and if they do,

it's not working.

it's a wet noodle down there.

and by the way, in all honesty,

i hate museums.

the last guy i met 

took me to the Holocaust Museum

downtown.

that was fun. really got me

in a romantic mood.

next week some guy

from Baltimore wants to 

take me to the Bible Museum.

do you have anymore wine?

Tequila?