my bank sends me an email
that says,
you need to sign this formto make your
PPP business loan legit,
so that you don't have to pay
it back, or pay taxes on it.
but in order to do that,
you need to go onto this
never before heard of web
site and enter the mysterious
document portal after
creating a user id and a 14
character password, using
at least one capital letter,
numbers, and lower case
letters. after you get into
the portal, we want you to
close your eyes and touch
your nose three times
after spinning around in
a circle.
once that is done. please,
stand on your head, and
say the alphabet backwards.
you are getting very close
to the document now.
next in order to prove that
you are not a robot,
you need to type in
the fuzzy numbers and letters
that are sideways in the blurry
box, and pick out all the fire hydrants
in the twelve other boxes.
if you are a robot, skip
this part and please
find a human nearby to continue on.
if none of this works,
start over and create a new
account with us.
at this point you might want to
take a break.
get some tylenol and maybe a
sandwich.
a cold compress on the back
of your neck
might help too.
we will send you a new security
code which will allow
you to go through this process
all over again.
after three tries, you lose.
we keep all the money in
your bank account and you have
to give us back that so called
free loan by the end of the week.
good luck.
please don't call us, we're busy.
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