my entire life, i was thirteen,
at the time
and i can't even remember
what it was over,
maybe a bent
baseball card, but
it ended badly for me.
after dancing around
for a few minutes,
doing the Ali shuffle,
the boy i was fighting
put me in a headlock
and i couldn't breathe.
i remember a little red head girl
with freckles
standing there with an ice cream
cone, watching the melee,
she pointed at me and said,
oh my, look at that boy's face,
it's turning blue.
luckily someone's mother
came running out
and saved my life.
the only other close call i had
was when i caught
my wife's married boyfriend
at her workplace,
and i told him that if i ever
caught him there again
that i was going to punch
him so hard that
all his teeth would fall out
like chicklets,
and he would no longer
be able to sing in his geezer
band. of course i didn't do it.
the other option was the headlock.
which i seriously considered.
i was going to put him in a sleeper
hold like i saw the wrestlers
do on tv, and i had practiced
on my reluctant sisters
when i was younger,
but at his age, and various
ailments, plus the fact that he
looked like captain kangaroo,
i didn't want to take a charge
for murder, let alone assault.
but it all worked out for the good.
he kept his teeth,
and i changed
the locks on the door after
putting all her things on
the front lawn.
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