tour
after releasing my independently
published second
volume of so called poetry
that mocks nearly everything
in the world, including me,
i call up my literary agent
jimmy to ask him if he has
any tips on what to say, what
to wear.
he's still sleeping when i call.
it's nine am, he says. and i told
you to never call me here.
where is here? isn't this your
cell phone?
what do you want?
two things. i'm about to
start the book tour that you lined
up and i just have a few questions.
how come i've only sold
three paperback books on amazon
and one kindle reader.
and
not to mention
one of my looney tune
ex wives is about to sue me
for slander, do you know
any good lawyers?
women, he says, laughing.
you can really pick em.
oh, by the way,
do you think the walmart
book section is a good place
to start? i didn't even know
they sold books.
yes, they have books. it's
near the tire center.
make a left at the area where
they sell those giant bag
of orange marshmallow peanuts.
can't miss it. let me know how
it works out. wear something
poetic. black, i guess.
i'm going back to sleep.
oh, and the lawsuit, no worries.
i've got a friend in jail,
Jake, who's been studying law
for years.
he'll take care of it.
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