the new you

the new you is going to be wonderful.
he will be caring
and no longer be dismissive
of annoying people, he will
feel compassion for the lazy
and loud. he will not honk
and curse at bad drivers
but will wave politely with all
his fingers, not just one.
he will be patient
when standing in line for coffee,
and will not roll
his eyes as the person in front
of him tries to make up their mind
about what kind of latte
they want. the new you will
not screen calls, or hang up
by slamming the phone down
and cursing when a telemarketer
phones him. the new you will
be different in so many ways.
he will not look at his cell
phone every ten seconds.
he will no longer pretend to pick
up after his dog, but actually
reach down
and put something in a baggy
besides mulch.
yes, the new you will be something.
he will answer the door after
peeking out the window
to see that it's a neighbor
or Mormons or a relative
holding a pillow and a suitcase.
he will not be sarcastic even
when drinking and at the beach
watching people waddle down
the boardwalk eating a tub
of French fries. the new you
will spread joy and cheer.
he may even put a candle in the window
at Christmas. he will
keep a wad of dollars in his
pocket to put into every hat
of every person standing at a
corner begging.
he will even put money into
the fireman's boot and not question
where his tax dollars are
really going.
the new you will say hi to everyone.
striking up meaningless conversations
about the weather
and sports, asking
how's your health, the kids, the new wife?
he will say things like
we could sure use come rain, then shake
his head in a worried way.
he will say god bless you
when someone sneezes
and not hold his breath until
he's able to get away from
where that person was standing.
he will not complain about people
taking his jobs and food out of his mouth,
or say things like politics
are a joke. nothing changes.
the new you will be optimistic
and believe everything
each candidate says, believing that
they are honest and have your best
interest in mind. the new you
might have to sleep on that one,
but he will love all people, all races,
creeds and colors.
he will even, on occasion, keep
in touch with members of his
own family. he will vote, he will
recycle, he will eat more fiber.
the new you will embrace humanity
and give it a big giant hug.