hold on

how long can I stay on hold?
apparently
all afternoon.
I don't mind Christmas
music,
but after an hour or so
on the speaker
my thoughts wander
and I need to let
out a scream
or stab a piece of meat
with a sharp knife.
but this does no good.
this makes my blood pressure
go up.
my head throbs and my neck
hurts. I take out a bag
of frozen peas
and press it against the nape
of my neck.
I like the word
nape and rarely get to use it.
so this pleases me a little,
but not so much
that it eases the anger,
or stops my ulcer
from flaring up.
finally someone arrives
and asks me
if i have an order number.
I unravel the receipt which
is three feet long
and look.
there are numbers all
over the place.
can't you look up my
name. I ask politely, still
searching the lightly printed
piece of paper and its
endless array
of numbers and words.
what if I gave you
my phone number, my
social security number,
my mother's maiden name.
my first dog's name, or
the city I was born in?
would that help?
hold on, she says.
I have to take this other
call.