turning fifty

she plans her own
party.
the milestone party
of turning fifty.
she reserves
the most expensive place
in town.
the plane tickets
for people flying in,
the seating, the menu,
each bottle of wine,
everything is planned
down to the colors
of the balloons.
she believes that this is
a turning point in her life.
that it may be down
hill from here.
it's less a celebration
of life now,
and more of one of
dreaded fear.