her celery

then there was the time
she threatened
to leave you, so you
yelled at her from
the couch, saying,
well, if you do finally
decide to leave, take your
damn celery with you.
my celery, she says,
coming into the room
to look at you.
my celery is bothering
you. my celery is
cramping your style
crowding your bacon
and salami. we have
some serious issues to
discuss and all you can
come up with is,
take your celery with
you. this makes you
shrug. umm, yeah,
you say meekly,
I want that celery
out of my house,
and your hummus
and cheese chunks too.
and those olives
from the olive bar,
oh, and those
wheat crackers, they
taste like card board
no matter what kind
of jelly you put
on them.