please hold

and an operator
will be with
you shortly.
meanwhile,
press one
for english
press two
for spanish
press three
for more options.
if you are
calling from
your home
phone press
the numbers
that coordinate
with the letters
in the word yes
then push
the pound button.
if you are calling
about your overdue
account press
nine and then
enter your
ten digit
account number
followed by
the pound sign
or asterik if you
are a new customer.
then press in
the words i am
sorry and won't
do it again.
when you hear
a series of
faint beeps
that remind you
of sheep being
sheared, key in
your mother's
maiden name or
the hyphenated
name that she
included in her
new name because
she couldn't give
it up because she
was afraid she
couldn't be found
on facebook or other
social networks.
if you don't know
it key in
your favorite
color followed
by the city you
were born in.
if you are unable
to hear the beeps,
have your ears
checked as soon
as possible, or
see a doctor
about a possible
serious illness.
at this point,
if you are
still connected
take a small
break, stretch
and walk around
a little. get
a sandwich,
and or a cold
drink, coffee
if you prefer.
press one
for regular,
press two for
decaf, press
three for a tuna
sandwich, four
for ham and
cheese. for
other options
press nine. if
you need to go
to the rest room
at any point,
press either
one or two
appropriately,
when you come
back, after
washing your hands,
press any button
to return to
the menu, then
please hold, an
operator will
be with you
shortly. thank
you for being a
valued customer.