serenity now

i get a random
call late one night
from the old girlfriend.
i'm new and improved
she says. i've finally
found my happy place.
i did some one on one
therapy with a wonderful
counsleor who knows
the dalai lama,
and bought all the self
help books i couuld
get my hands on. venus
and mars, dr. drew,
dr. wayne, dr. suess
and dr. phil. i'm
eating well, sleeping
well, drinking eight
glasses of spring water
a day and running.
i take yoga three
nights a week, i'm
in my tight spandex
one piece right now,
you should see me.
and i've learned
not to sweat the small
stuff. so what do you
say we give it another
shot, i'm ready
this time to be a
couple. i pause,
for a second or two,
then say, i'm so
sorry, but i've found
someone else. we're
in love. you freaking
bastard she screams
back, i hate your guts.
loser. then hangs up.