go and sin no more

frustrated with my allergies,
the sniffling, the sneezing,
the constant runny nose, and
wheezing air out of my
constricted lungs
as if I was a human
bag pipe I go to my local church
for prayer.
come in my son, the priest says,
putting out his robed arms.
do I know you?
are you a parishioner here at
our parish?
no, I tell him, but I live
right next door, a communion wafer
throw away from
the altar. I need help
desperately with my allergies.
honest to God,
I've tried everything.
I feel guilty every time I drive
by on sunday to go get coffee,
I tell him. if that makes any difference.
no, it doesn't, he says. but
you look familiar.
I sneeze again after dabbing
a finger full of holy water
onto my forehead then along the sides
of my red nose.
can I drink some of this water,
do you have any cups around?
my mouth is dry from all the pills
I've been taking.
no. he says, don't drink
from the Holy water basin.
he moves in between me and the Holy
water.
but where do I know you from?
he arches his dark eyebrows,
puts a hand on his chin, tapping.
well, about ten years ago I was
in here with my ex wife,
she was having a tough time
going through menopause and we
tried to get her an exorcism.
oh, yes, I do remember that.
it was an awful time. we had
to replace the carpet and a few
stained glass windows.
it didn't work, did it?
nah.
so, how is she?
fine, she lives in Texas now,
remarried to a guy named Jimmy Bob.
that's too bad,
he says pulling on his collar
with one finger.
Texas, he says out loud,
shaking his head. Look, he says.
i'll put you in the Sunday bulletin
asking the congregation to pray
for you, but only if you promise
to start coming to church.
we need someone to help us
make pancakes at seven a.m.
on Saturday morning before bible study.
after that we have
the farmers market and car wash.
you can help us out there as well.
I let out a loud sneeze, then
another, ending with one more
that echoes around the church,
making the candles waver.
God bless you he says. Thank
you, I tell him. i'll get back
to you.