what if

they found a shadow
on an x-ray
of my mother's chest
once.
probably nothing
the doctor said. come
back in a week or two.
we'll see then.
when she got home
she pulled the laminated
list of phone
numbers off the wall
in the kitchen
and called everyone
she ever knew.
I might be dying, she
told them. this could be it.
and when it was
nothing, nothing but
a shadow.
I called her
to say good,
but she cried and cried,
I asked her why
and she said but what if.
what if.