outer space

you're are on a mission
to mars
when you are awakened
by a phone call
from your ex wife.
she wants to know
if you still have
the extra keys to
the house. the house that
she kept after the divorce.
what, what do you want?
I was sleeping, you
tell her. you sound
grumpy, as usual, she
says. well, do you
have the keys or not.
I'm seeing someone
now and I just don't
want you barging
in on us. he's coming
over for dinner tonight
and I'm cooking
salmon and lima beans,
and making a nice hummus dip,
which you always hated,
but he loves.
you let a moment
of silence pass.
I'm actually
in a spaceship
going to mars, you
yell into the phone,
so don't worry, I
won't be barging in on
you and your new
boyfriend while you eat
lima beans and that
ridiculous hummus dip.
there is silence,
some crackling
along the line. well,
if you find the keys,
just throw them
out a porthole,
or send them to
me when you get back
from mars, or Jupiter,
wherever you claim to
be going. you sigh
deeply, whatever,
you say, rubbing
your eyes, looking out
the window at complete
darkness dotted
with stars. so who is
this guy? someone I
know? please don't tell
me it's jimmy from down
the street. wouldn't
you like to know, mr.
I'm in outerspace man.
look, I really don't
care, I have things to
do now, okay. this is
an important mission,
so please
don't call me on this
line anymore, I'm
supposed to be working.
you were taking a nap,
is that what they're paying
you for. you're lucky
I don't call NASA right
now and tell them
you're sound asleep
like a baby.
look, please hang up.
tell the kids I love them.
oh, the kids, you finally
remembered them.
okay. I have to go, the line
is full of static,
I can hardly make out
what you're nagging me
about. I think the ship
is passing through
the van allen belt or
something.....I really have
to go now.
don't hang up on me, she
says. I've got a bone
to pick with you about
the dog, who is supposed
to be your dog, the other day
he got into a bag of trash,
and it cost four hundred
dollars to have his
stomach pumped, I feel
that because he's
your dog too, it's
your responsibility to
pay for..
click.