talk like a pirate

I want you to talk
like a pirate,
she tells you one
morning, as you both
awaken after a night
of very mediocre
love making.
that might help
us get to another
level, she says
in a sexy
whisper. another
level? you ask.
turning your
head to look
at her. go ahead.
try it. say grrrr.
or arrrgh, or
shiver me timbers,
something like
that. arrrgh, you
say deeply.
good, good. nice
start.
should I wear a patch
over one eye, you
ask. yes, yes.
she says. but no
parrot, and you
can't smell like a
pirate either, but
let your beard
grow a little,
so that it's bristly
against my cheeks.
you have to brush
your teeth too.
I could get a sword
and some boots
down at the costume
shop today, you tell
her. maybe find some
sort of lime after
shave. a gold hoop
ear ring, and some
fake scar make up.
you sit up, excited
by the prospect of
becoming a pirate.
ummmm, sure, she says.
okay. you hop out
of bed and practice
a limp, dragging
your wooden leg across
the room.
arrggh, you say,
over and over,
waving an imaginary
saber in the air.
this makes her
sigh deeply
and put a pillow
over her head.