the portly mugger

a man approaches
you on the street
with a gun and says
give me all your money.
you pull out your
pockets to show
him that you have
none. sorry, you say,
you're too late.
I was robbed at
the last corner.
then take off your
shoes, he says,
what size are they.
ten you tell him.
never mind he says.
what about my shirt,
you ask, do you
want that? turn around
he says, taking a
look. no he says,
I don't look good
in aqua. well, you
tell him, i'm sorry.
and I'm sure my pants
don't fit, you look
a lot bigger than
me. are you saying
I look fat, he says.
looking at his waist
dropping the gun
down. no you say.
you might be a little
portly, or big boned.
but definitely not fat.
I should lose about
ten, he says. well,
you can go. sorry that
you have nothing.
it's okay, he says.
but I don't look fat,
do I, are you sure.
i'm certain you say.
far from it. in stripes
you'll be fine.