new bike pants

you tear a muscle
in back of your leg
while squeezing into
your new bike
shorts. they are blue
with lightning bolts
down the side. they fit
very tight and snug.
embarassingly so,
but now you are limping,
nursing a torn tendon,
hopping on one foot.
you have to go to
the bathroom, but you
can't slide them off
because they are so
tight, very tight.
they are squeezing
your bladder, pinching
at your kidneys.  so you
crawl to the kitchen
and manage to stand up.
your leg is throbbing
with pain. you take a pair
of scissors and carefully
cut them off.
as you slice
through the shiny
frabic, you lose
your balance
and fall over, hitting
your head on
the floor, but you're okay,
you still have your
bike helmet on. it has
lighting bolts too.