social marketing 101

my friend jimmy met me
for lunch the other day. he
was really excited. i've got
this great new business
he said, bursting with
enthusiasm. what, i ask,
what is it. it's called
marketing. okay, i say.
what are you marketing.
whatever he says, it
doesn't matter. but it's
a great way to meet women.
beats the hell out of the
internet. they love this
stuff. you get dressed up,
go to happy hours and
'business meetings' and
stand around drinking talking
to attractive women. but
aren't you married? yes,
but, i don't wear my ring
when i'm out 'marketing'. i
tell her i'm out working
late. he gives me a wink.
she's at home watching
the kid, exhausted from
dragging him around to
soccer games and birthday
parties. ha. i'm working
late, babe, i tell her.
she's out like a light
by the time i get home
from work. by the end
of the night everyone
is so wasted no one cares
who's married, single,
or whatever. it's crazy,
i tell you. it's a party
three nights a week.
but what are you selling,
what are they selling, who's
buying anything? pffft, he
says, you are so missing
the point. you collect
business cards and shoot
the breeze, knock down
a few glasses of wine, flirt
around, nod your head alot,
smile, and say serious
things like, my numbers
this quarter are definitely
up or i really feel like
the economy is finally turning
around. be positive and
optimistic, women like that.
these things are a gold
mine i tell you for meeting
babes. he pulls out a stack
of business cards, i got these
last night. it's hard to
keep them straight, who's who.
it's like shooting fish in a
barrel. but, i ask him,
how is anyone making money.
he laughs. nobody is really
making any money except
the people throwing these
'events'. they collect
the fees to get in.
most people are losing money
doing this, but hey, they're
hooking up. hmmmm. so you quit
your day job to do this?
hell no, he says, i need
some source of income. why
don't you come with me
next week. put on a nice
suit. it's martini night
at the local executive's
business association, it's
at aldo's italian restaurant,
women love that place.
they flock to these happy hours
like bees around honey,
networking. trying to hit
that homerun with some guy
with dough. get some business
cards made up too. you'll need
plenty. what should i call
myself? hmmm, how about
senior vp marketing executive,
east coast division. perfect,
he says. it starts at
seven or so and runs until
midnight, unless you
get lucky. he laughs. i keep
an overnight bag in the car
just in case. well,
i gotta run, he says. i'm
working. i've got a lunch
date at one, i mean 'business
meeting' and another one at two
with these women i met
the other night at happy
hour, i mean the networking
strategy event. ha. he
waves his blackberry at me
that is blinking and buzzing
off the hook, then slaps me
on the back, see you friday,
for work! don't forget those
new business cards, buddy.
welcome to the wonderful
world of marketing.