your skills

tell me your skills
the interviewer asks me
as I sit in my new suit
across the desk from him.
I don't have any, I tell
him, straightening my
new tie. blue with white
stripes. small red
martini glasses stitched
down the front.
the collar itches my
neck, so I pull on that.
accounting? he says.
no, you say.
computers? no.
any business skills whatsoever,
he asks?
not really, I tell him.
so, why would we hire
you? you have nothing
to offer this company.
please explain why you're here.
i'm good with organizing
happy hours, company
picnics and parties,
I tell him. birthdays, anniversaries,
retirements.
i'm good at Wednesday night
volley ball.
beach trips for company
morale. I like to tell
jokes at the coffee machine.
I can bring in donuts.
pastries in the morning.
I can rub shoulders, listen
to people's problems.
i'm a very good listener.
they can cry and sob all day
to me and i'll empathize
with their plight.
excellent, he says, reaching
across the desk to shake
my hand. when can you start.
how about Tuesday, say
ten a.m., you say,
great he says, i'll see
you then.