a new mattress

you feel a sharp sting
against your leg
in the middle of
the night so you turn
the light on to
find a mattress
spring sprung from
it's web of mattress
mayhem. it's time
for a new mattress.
you've flipped
it so many times,
bought so many mattress
covers, you've taken
it out back and beat it
with a broom. you
vacuumed it down.
there are coffee
spills, martini stains
and other assorted
spots and smudges
that you'd rather not
think about. there's
also a single rut
in the center
where you've slept
the years away,
and a small diagonal
slot where the dog
used to sleep. so
you wait until president's
day, which is tomorrow
and go down
to mattress kingdom to
buy a new one. a
new queen mattress
with a pillow top
and handles on the side
for easier flipping
you tell jimmy
the manager on the
floor. he's wearing
a wig, like george
washington, a red vest
and boots and has
several cherry pies
sitting on the table
out front with coffee.
what can i do to get
you to buy a mattress
today, he says slapping
you on the back.
i don't know,
you say and begin
to lie down on the
fifty or so mattresses
that line both walls
of the store. other
people are in front
of you, behind you,
families, young
couples holding hands,
old people giving each
other a boost up,
a dog is loose and
jumping from
bed to bed barking
with someone's shoe
in his mouth.
you finally find the one
you like. not too
firm, not too soft,
not too expensive,
or cheap, so you find
jimmy and he wants
to cut you a deal,
but first there's
the warranty, the delivery,
the removal of the old
mattress. then there's
taxes. the price has
suddenly doubled. so
you shake your head
and say no and begin
to walk out. but he
stops you and says,
hey. i can let you use
my family and friends
coupon. and you say,
nah, i'm going elsewhere,
and then he says, how
about if i cut the price
by a third, you hesitate,
looking towards the door,
and he says, how about
half? he's sweating
beneath his wig and he's
popped a few buttons
on his too tight vest.
okay, okay, you say,
agreeing to the half price,
free delivery and
free removal of the old
one. great he says,
just great and you shake
hands with him,
then go for a nice
big slice of cherry pie,
but change your mind on
the slice and take
take a whole pie with
you instead. you can't
wait to get it home to
eat on top of your
new mattress.