i need to move

i fall awake
after a dream. i'm in a house
full
of dogs
and cats. strangers
with old
children in their laps.
my mother is on the phone.
my sister
is still in the bathroom
washing her hair,
reading a magazine.
there's a leak
in the roof. a silver pan
catches the rain.
someone's at the door
with bad news and a tuna
casserole.
my father is pushing a mower
across the chrome green
lawn.
he's smoking a cigarette
and has a can of beer
snug between his chin
and neck.
I get the feeling that he wishes
he was dead,
or with Laura
a girl he met in high school.
i see my future. it's bleak.
i smell
something burning in the oven.
fish sticks, or a slab
of something that reminds
me of meat.
i look out the window
and see the love
of my young life
on a bicycle for two,
riding behind
billy Arnold.
my nemesis since i was
three, or two. it's a clear
portent of things to come.
her hair is
golden and reminds me of
California, though I've never
been west of the Mississippi River.
my brother's are laughing,
playing cards,
telling lies to one another
about the past, about the future.
i am alone in this crowded
house.
i need to move.