dead sea scroll recipes

the new discovery
of recipes
in a cave close to where
they found the dead sea scrolls
has set the culinary
world on fire. for example
here's one
found on a scroll of papyrus
lying in a clay pot
within the caves.
catch fish, build fire,
scratching rocks onto leaves
or driftwood, with cupped
hands blow until
fire is steady. add more wood.
(if there is a burning bush
present, that will do as well)
toss dead
fish, after a nice
coating of olive oil,
onto fire using a metal
pan, or a roman helmet
if one is around, season
with sea salt, honey
and sprinkles
of pepper. flip after three
minutes, do not overcook.
place lemon wedges on the side.
garnish with
parsley. feeds one
or two, depending on if
jesus is around.
he could multiply
that one fish
into five hundred.
serve with a white wine.
stomped grapes, using
clean feet or sandals,
fermented, strained
and bottled.
one bottle for two,
unless of course jesus
is present, if that's the case
there's plenty more to be found.
so drink up.
for dessert there is a nice
selection of grapes,
pomegranates and figs,
and or a nice bread
pudding made with three eggs,
two cups of warm goat milk and honey.
wash out the roman helmet,
or use the breast plate
stolen from a palace guard for
a more fancy presentation,
bake in the desert sun
for two or three hours,
or until firm.
serves two, unless of course,
you know who is around.
Thomas will not believe
how good this tastes.