in the middle of the night
when visiting your
aunt melba in louisiana
you wake up
on a shiny steel table.
you are strapped down
with an iv in your arm.
that's for shock,
a tall alien says,
nodding and smiling
as best he can with an
elongated white head
and giant egg eyes.
what the hell, you say,
wriggling in the straps.
what's going on here?
relax, another alien says.
he seem to be the boss.
he has a mustache and
a bad looking toupee.
you arch your eyebrows
at him, which makes
him laugh. yeah, we're
vain too, he says.
in fact i'm trying to loose
about twenty pounds
right now. got a highschool
reunion coming up. he rubs
his belly with his three
fingered asparagus hand.
we just want to ask you a
question or two and then
we'll put you back where
we found you. you won't
even remember this. which
makes them all chuckle.
then a woman alien comes
into the room who looks
exactly like the other ones,
smooth and flat as a pancake,
but she's wearing lipstick.
you can hear her clicking
around in a pair of space
high heels.
she has a clipboard which
she hands to the doctor.
okay. he says, hmmm.
okay. what's up with you
people and your dogs?
that's the first question.
why are you always collecting
their waste and putting
it into plastic bags and
then throwing it into
the woods? you shrug.
i don't know, i have no idea.
you move your chin around
trying to scratch a spot
on your chest. hey, do you
mind, i've got an itch right
in the middle of my chest.
can you scratch that for me,
sure, sure, the woman alien
says and reaches out with her
translucent three fingers
and scratches at the spot.
it moved, go down, use
your nails, that's it,
to the left, to the right...
now dig harder. almost. almost.
by the way, you ask, is
there a bathroom on this spaceship,
i have to pee like a racehorse.
i had a few beers this evening
and i'm about to burst.
the aliens all look at one
another and shake their heads.
you know what, the mustached
one says, we're done with
this guy. get him out of here.
bring billy bob in, that
alligator wrestler.
when visiting your
aunt melba in louisiana
you wake up
on a shiny steel table.
you are strapped down
with an iv in your arm.
that's for shock,
a tall alien says,
nodding and smiling
as best he can with an
elongated white head
and giant egg eyes.
what the hell, you say,
wriggling in the straps.
what's going on here?
relax, another alien says.
he seem to be the boss.
he has a mustache and
a bad looking toupee.
you arch your eyebrows
at him, which makes
him laugh. yeah, we're
vain too, he says.
in fact i'm trying to loose
about twenty pounds
right now. got a highschool
reunion coming up. he rubs
his belly with his three
fingered asparagus hand.
we just want to ask you a
question or two and then
we'll put you back where
we found you. you won't
even remember this. which
makes them all chuckle.
then a woman alien comes
into the room who looks
exactly like the other ones,
smooth and flat as a pancake,
but she's wearing lipstick.
you can hear her clicking
around in a pair of space
high heels.
she has a clipboard which
she hands to the doctor.
okay. he says, hmmm.
okay. what's up with you
people and your dogs?
that's the first question.
why are you always collecting
their waste and putting
it into plastic bags and
then throwing it into
the woods? you shrug.
i don't know, i have no idea.
you move your chin around
trying to scratch a spot
on your chest. hey, do you
mind, i've got an itch right
in the middle of my chest.
can you scratch that for me,
sure, sure, the woman alien
says and reaches out with her
translucent three fingers
and scratches at the spot.
it moved, go down, use
your nails, that's it,
to the left, to the right...
now dig harder. almost. almost.
by the way, you ask, is
there a bathroom on this spaceship,
i have to pee like a racehorse.
i had a few beers this evening
and i'm about to burst.
the aliens all look at one
another and shake their heads.
you know what, the mustached
one says, we're done with
this guy. get him out of here.
bring billy bob in, that
alligator wrestler.
1 comment:
too long to read today. i'll come back to it when i need a book to read.
Post a Comment