alien abduction

my friend andrea called me
up the other day and said that
she wanted to have a chat.
so we met for coffee. she was
not too happy and struggled
to get the words out as we
sipped on our lattes. i think,
she said, i think i might be
pregnant. i put my coffee down
and threw my hands into the air.
i had nothing to do with this.
sit down silly, she said. we
haven't fooled around in years.
well, who then, who's the lucky
dad. i wiped the sweat beads
from my forehead with a
brown napkin. i don't know she
said, and here's the really weird
part, look at this. there was a
a couple of small puncture
wounds on her stomach and hips.
what do you think of that,
she said. yikes. i said. i've got
some neosporin in the car
if you want some. they look
infected. how did that happen?
dunno, she said. but don't think
i'm crazy, promise me you won't
think i'm nuts. what, i said, what.
and stuffed some crumb cake
into my mouth. i think i may have
been abducted by aliens
and one of them impregnated me.
i spit out the crumb cake hitting
andrea in the forehead with a
wet glob. whoops, sorry.
she wiped it off. seriously, she
said. last night i saw this green
glow pulsating in the room
and there was this strong
vibration shaking the whole bed.
i couldn't wake up.
and i was having these sort of
sexual feelings, ya know.
i took a sip of my coffee and nodded.
go on. well, i felt like this
creature was on top of me,
sort of bald and white
with really rough skin. he or
whatever it was had this ghoulish
look on his face. and
this was last night, i asked.
why would you think you were
with child? it hasn't been
twenty-four hours. women just
know, she said. we just do.
wait a minute, i said. are you still
dating jeb who works at the airport.
mechanic? yes, she said.
and did you go out for a mexican
dinner with hot peppers.
have a few margaritas,
some of that blue tequila...
yes, she said, a few shooters too.
and did you stay at
the little rat hole  motel near route
one, the one with the vibrating beds.
maybe, she said, her eyes getting
wide.but how do you explain
the green glow and the puncture
wounds all over me.  pfffft, i said,
there's an adult movie
store right there, with a
big green neon sign that flickers
all night long. and those mattresses
are thirty years old. every now
and then the springs pop out
and jab you in the side. whew. she
said. thanks. i just couldn't
see myself bringing up some
little alien monster. Awww, i bet
he'd be cute, i said. just like you.
sit tight,  i'll go get that neosporin.