the missing Gospels

why are there no
mention of cats
and dogs in
the bible, she
says to me while
we're having
new year's day
breakfast at i hop.
i'm having
flap jacks with maple
syrup and bacon,
two eggs over
easy on the side
and she's having
a bowl of oatmeal.
cats and dogs?
i say, in the bible?
what are you talking
about? she points
to my chin where
syrup is running
down and hands
me a napkin. well,
she says, spooning
some oatmeal into her
mouth. Jesus must have
had a dog, he seems
like a pet kind of
guy, you know.
i shake my head. sounds
wacky to me, i tell her,
what kind of a dog?
i don't know, she
says, maybe a little
daschund or a beagle,
something he could
pick up and carry
through the crowds
or hightail it if
he had to when
the romans were
chasing him. but i
could see him with
a cat too, maybe
a siamese cat
on his shoulder,
something exotic.
i think he'd just
have a regular cat,
i tell her. an alley
cat. something beat
up, with scars
and a chopped off
tail where someone
threw a spear at him.
you know how He was
about taking in
the ragmuffins and
all that. true,
she says true. hey,
can i have a piece
of your bacon? what
about mary magdalene?
what kind of pet
would she have?
toy poodle, i tell
her, definitely
a toy poodle. john
the baptist? water
spaniel. yup, she
says, finishing
her oatmeal, clanging
her spoon against
the bowl. i'm thinking
that maybe at
the last supper,
His dog skippy, or
whatever his name is,
is under the table,
begging for scraps,
you know? maybe, i
tell her, maybe.
sneaking him a little
bread, a piece
of whitefish. hmm,
i dunno, my dog moe
never liked fish.
hey, have you
seen a waitress, i
could use some
more coffee.