Happy Holidays

For the holidays I am
becoming a Buddhist.
Of course I have no idea
what this might entail,
but I envision it to mean
that I won't have to drive
to the mall and shop for
a thousand dollars worth
of insignificant gifts
and then wrap them all
up pretty with a bow
before handing them out
to an ungrateful brood
of children, siblings,
friends, parents and pets.
I'll be folding my legs
beneath me, into a lotus
position, before the family
fights begin over who sits
where, whose dessert is the
best, or who will do the dishes,
or take out the trash or
any number of a myriad
of things that so desperately
need to be done. I can
stay out of it in blissful
peace, contemplating a
higher plane of life.
Dark meat, white meat?
Who cares? I'm a Buddhist.
Drum stick or wing makes
no difference to me. Of
course the others may think
I am being lazy, or rude, or
perhaps just crazy, but
I will pretty much be on
the sidelines with a
beautific smile upon my
Buddha like face. I will
accept all of them with
their many faults. All
of the slights and harsh
words spoken throughout
the year, since the last
holiday together, will
all be forgiven, forgotten.
It will all roll off of me
like rainwater off a yak.
I will eat and smile,
drink wine. I will be in a
state of perfect contentment,
enjoying the moment. I will
rise above it all and perhaps,
if the mood strikes, have
that second slice of pumpkin
pie with a dollop of whipped
cream smack dab in the middle.
I will be going to my happy place