i can't eat or sleep because of him

my old friend

LG,

who has a severe case

of TDS,

calls me on the phone crying.

what's up,

i ask,

boyfriend break up again,

horse die?

cat coughing up fur balls again,

dog has fleas?

trouble at work?

no, she says, sobbing into

the phone.

none of that,

well, yes, all of that,

but mainly,

i can't keep up with the Orange man.

everyday

he keeps

doing things that drive me

crazy.

he's up all night tweeting,

making fun

of Somalians.

referring to them as garbage

just because they scammed

two billion dollars

out of Minnesota taxpayer's pockets.

he calls people fat and stupid

just because

they want to put Tampons into

boys' bathrooms.

he's besmirching

our mayors and governors.

he's in the news

all day

long, ending wars, lowering

the cost of living,

bringing gas down under three

dollars, he's

securing the border,

building a beautiful ballroom,

arresting criminals,

attacking drug boats. 

keeping

men out of girl's sports.

ending wars around the world,

and now

he's created an investment

account for newborn children.

why is he doing this to me?

doing so many good and wonderful

things.

i can hardly eat or sleep anymore

because of him.