the lettuce eater

when you faint, she tells
you, fold yourself over and
slip gently to the floor,
do it slow and easy so that
you don't hit your head.
if you're ironing try to pull
the plug on the way down,
or turn it off before it all
goes black. do this and you'll
be okay. an hour or  two
will pass and you'll wake up.
go to the kitchen and sprinkle
some nuts onto a wedge
of romaine lettuce, you'll
be alert in no time.