foreplay instructions: part one

begin to set the stage with
low lighting (may i suggest
candlelight, or if you don't
have any candles, turn
the light on in the hall
bathroom and leave the door
slightly ajar), and put out
some finger food, (preferably
cheese and crackers of
some sort. whole wheat, not
saltines, perhaps a
nice brie, some grapes
and strawberries would
not be too extravagant,
but in a separate dish),
and once all that is
done and you've opened up
a good bottle of wine (see
separate dvd on wines available
in the lobby after class)
and the music is set on low,
and the dogs, cats
and kids are all put
away, then start with
a kiss. go slow. i
can't say this too many
times. go slow. this
is not a race. a touch
of hands, fingers are
good. but no pawing, or
clawing, work slowly down
and around all of the hot
zones, (these zones will
be explained later, but
should be avoided during
phase one). perhaps allow
your leg to touch against
her leg. try to remain
upright in this phase.
some more kissing
may proceed at this
point. whisper a few words
into her ear. something
she'd like to hear, perhaps
tell her how nice she smells
or how wonderful she looks,
but don't keep repeating the
same thing over and over,
and nothing too sentimental,
like you smell like a bed
of roses. it will seem
insincere. then give the neck
some attention, nuzzle,
don't bite, or drool if
at all possible, (if you
are chewing gum, this
would be a good point
to get rid of it) go
gently at the neck, which
is that area between
her earlobe and collarbone.
kiss the neck. it's a very
sensitive and often neglected
area. don't be in a rush.
sure, it might seem like
it's taking forever,
but trust me on this, take
your time, it will be worth
it. okay, where were we.
when you hear a sigh,
or something like that,
or she says your name,
which is gold, and her heart
rate appears to speed up,
you are on track.
heavy breathing is
a very good sign too,
so don't panic. she is
probably not having an
allegic reaction to the
food and is in no physical
danger.(but if she does
black out, call 911)
the next few minutes
are crucial. things are
in a delicate delicate
balance. be careful.
imagine you are a
safecracker. it's
a small window of
opportunity. you must
use all of your senses
for the removal of
this clothing item.
determine if it's
a frontal snap or
it's in the back, then
slowly move your fingers
across to determine
if it's one, two or
three, or god forbid
a four snap item.
slowly, but with
some force unsnap, be
careful not to pinch
the skin and be aware
of any resistance, either
verbally, or physically.
if all the lights are
green, proceed. once
this is removed, she'll
help you get it out
of the way and put
in a place that
she'll remember later.
if there is a still a dog
in the room, have her put
it in a high place where
he can't chew it in half.
this particular piece
of women's clothing can
be quite expensive despite
it's lack of fabric. okay.
this concludes phase one
of elementary foreplay.
our next lesson will be
tomorrow. everyone please
bring a fresh can of whipped
cream to tomorrow's session.
the next steps are very
complex and will take serious
students only to the next level.
i suggest a cold shower
at this point and try to
think about baseball.